Lately my brain only seems to function at night.
It is really quite frustrating.
I try and try and try to do my best to wake up early and get the day going, but I drag ALLLLLL Daaaay loooong. It is not until about 10 o'clock at night that my brain really gets up and going. And from then on out I can't do anything but think, think, think. I try to go to sleep, my body is so tired, but my brain tells me NO! I sit up wide awake for hours, trying my best to fall asleep, but never being able to.
I think about everything. I think about school, my senior thesis, my classes, my homework, the future, what I should wear, what I should make for dinner, my values, my faith, United States court cases, crafts, projects I need to complete, projects I want to start, what I want to be when I grow up, where I would like to vacation, new recipes I should try, camping, going for bike rides, things I should have put in the mail weeks ago, bills that are coming up, if I should go to grad school, when I'm going to do yoga next, people I really should email or call, what laundry needs to be done and the list goes on and on and on.... trust me, it's annoying.
I guess I just have too much stuff I want to do, if only I never had to sleep!
I wish my brain would knock it off and go back to it's old self... but, for now I guess I'll go take a hot bubble bath, try and relax and attempt to shut my mind down for the day.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Where to begin?... Here.
I don't even know where to begin with this post.
I guess I will begin by saying this: This is a very personal struggle and battle I'm writing about. I have deliberated for quite some time on whether to write what I am feeling in my personal journal and not have anyone read it until the day I die or whether to write about my feelings and emotions here on my blog. I have come to the conclusion, after quite a while of deliberating, that it is here on my blog where I would like to share my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about this. I also have felt that there are other people out there going through the same or similar things as me. I have realized that through sharing my experience I may be able to give someone a smidgen of strength, a glimpse of hope, or a piece of comfort that they are not alone. In no way am I sharing the following in order for everyone to look at me and say poor poor Jenny, or to make others feel awkward or uncomfortable talking to me, for people to judge me or anything like that. BUT, the following is shared with hesitation, but also hope, faith, and anticipation of what lies ahead. So, here goes nothing.
Babies.... Babies, babies, babies. We are at a stage in life when everyone around us has babies, is pregnant with babies, or is busy making babies. It is very very common for Michael and I to be asked "So, when are you guys going to start having kids?" "Are you guys going to get one?""Are you guys thinking of starting a family anytime soon? You guys know that having kids is not something you should put off." Think of any variety of the question "When are you having kids?" and we have probably heard it.
Hello!!! People, not to be rude but let's be honest....we know. As a part of our faith and core value system we know we should have children, and most importantly we want children more than anything. We know that families are forever. We know that our purpose here in this life is to raise a righteous family. We know that part of my role as a woman is to be a mother. We know that part of Michael's role as a man is to be father. We've been taught these things through our entire life by example and through the LDS faith.
Quite frankly, I feel that it really shouldn't be socially acceptable to ask people about when they are going to have children, but the reality is that society tells us it is perfectly acceptable. I realize that babies are an easy topic of conversation. It's a topic that is easy to relate to, and people see it as the next "step" for us in our life. In asking these kinds of questions to a young couple, judgements and opinions are placed on them. Simply it adds unnecessary stress and heartache. Having children is solely a matter between a husband, his wife, and the Lord.
So.... What is family? Do you have to have children to be a family? Heavens no! Together Michael and I are a family. I wish people would recognize that together a husband and wife are a family. They don't necessarily have to have children to be a family. Once two people join in the union of marriage, that is the beginning of a family. Yes, when children are added they become an addition to the family, but husband + wife = a family. So, the Dill family consisting of Michael and I, is a family. When we do have children they will become a part of our eternal family.
Now, on to the more difficult stuff. Above I said that when people decide to have kids is no ones business but the husband and wife, and it is. But, I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings of our own personal situation. This means I am willing to share our story, willing to be open and willing to let others be a part of a very personal part of our life.
Michael and I have been married almost 3 whole years, or specifically 34 months. In the large scheme of things that's barely a pinprick, but in life, time is so very precious. For 32 of the past 34 months we have been trying to "start our family"with zero success. Yup, you read right, that's 94% of our marriage that we've been trying to have kids and haven't. I'll be honest it's hard. Exceptionally hard. It's the hardest thing I have personally struggled with. Everyone seems to have a solution for us. I've heard them all and for now, I'll spare you the details! But we've tried many of the suggestions, and nothing helps us reach our ultimate goal of pregnancy. Before you jump on the band wagon and start giving us your solutions, advice and opinions let me share just a small sliver of our journey.
Growing up I wanted nothing more than to be a mom, the best mom I possibly could be. My sister and I played house all the time. We had our life like baby dolls, baby clothes, a play kitchen and even had a real baby car seat to play with. We spent hours in the basement playing house, taking turns being the mom, pretending we were much older with babies of our own, often making Adam or Heather be our kids. It was so much fun. Even then I could hardly wait to have my own babies, dress them up, give them baths, take them to the store with me, make food for them, raise them in the gospel, and simply love and adore them. I knew that motherhood was exactly what I wanted and I knew I was going to make it happen.
Flash forward several years. I met the most adorable and wonderful boy. He was handsome, funny, loved my cooking, loved me and even had a dimple in his chin. I was in love. I wanted to spend all eternity with him. I wanted to have adorable blonde little babies with him. I was so eager to start our forever together. My dreams were all becoming a reality and I couldn't wait to become a wife and a mother.
A couple of months after we got married we felt like we should start trying to have babies. We had been praying about it and felt like it was what we were supposed to do. We had been hearing from a few different people that getting pregnant is not always as easy as everyone makes it out to be. We figured we would still have 6-9 months before we actually got pregnant. It all seemed perfect to us. If it all worked out we would be able to surprise our families at Christmas with the announcement of a Baby Dill on the way. Time came and went and nothing happened.
At the beginning of the next year I was positive that this was the year. We were going to have a baby this year. I was sure of it. The first couple months of the year were long. I often didn't feel well and sometimes was so achy and hurt-y that I didn't do anything but lie on the couch and watch movies. I repeatedly had the thought "You need to go to the doctor." I repeatedly ignored the thought. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't want that to be confirmed by a doctor. I only wanted to get pregnant, not be told that something was wrong with me that would prevent that. I was scared.
After several months of ignoring my own intuition, I had had enough. My periods were very inconsistent, but when I did have a period it would last for 30+ days. Leaving me very tired, and annoyed. I felt almost disabled. I didn't feel like I could go anywhere or do anything because of the fear that my period would inhibit me. (I tried to put that in the least graphic way I could... Sorry!) I made an appointment to go see the doctor on our college campus. I was very nervous, I knew something wasn't right. I went to the appointment. The doctor came in, asked a bunch of questions, and looked confused. She decided to do a blood test to check my thyroid as well as test for pregnancy. I have no idea why she even thought I may be pregnant based off what I had told her, but whatever, she was the doctor and I was trusting her title. She emailed me with results. Everything came back negative. I wasn't pregnant and my thyroid was normal. She encouraged me to come back and get the yearly woman's check up done, just because I probably should. So, in my head she must think that maybe that would have results that showed what was wrong. I went. She didn't remember me or anything I had told her the week before. I got checked. Everything was normal and fine. She told me to come back and see her if I wanted to get pregnant and she could give me a prescription that would help get me pregnant real fast. None of my questions were answered and what I knew was a problem wasn't even addressed. I didn't feel good about about any of it and I really didn't like her solution. Yes, I wanted to get pregnant. But, I realized then that first and foremost I wanted to figure out why my body was so out of whack. I felt like that needed to be addressed before I could be miraculously and quickly pregnant.
So, I set up an appointment with my OBGYN in Salt Lake. I wanted answers and knew from previous experience with her that she would help me get to the root of it. She is absolutely wonderful. She asked questions, a lot of questions. She wrote down my answers. She did exams, blood work, and even helped me schedule an ultrasound. I left feeling listened to and hopeful. After all sorts of worrying and few doctor appointments later we figured out a portion of what was going on. My doctor diagnosed me with PCOS, or poly-cystic-ovarian-syndrome. She let me know that a large part of what I could do to help the problem was to maintain a healthy diet and exercise regularly. She also let me know that in the long run it is not impossible to get pregnant, but it would be very difficult to get pregnant. Why? Because my body isn't "cycling" as most women's bodies do. She recommended that we visit a fertility specialist to learn more and find ways in which they would be able to help us reach our goal of children.....
.....And, that is essentially where we are, limbo. We are waiting until after graduation in July to take the next steps. We have plans on what we are going to do next, but that's another story for another time.
What this roller coaster of the past three years comes down to is that I have fears. I fear I will never have the blessing of being a mother. I fear that medical miracles won't happen for me. I fear that my faith and hope will not be enough. I fear that it will always be only Michael and I. But, I have learned that I cannot let those fears overcome and make my decisions for me. I must keep moving forward with faith and trust that in the end everything will work out how my Heavenly Father sees fit for Michael and I.
Through all of this I have had many experiences first hand that have strengthened my faith and given me hope. A few of them include:
- Other people can be such a strength. I have had so many tender mercies over the past several years that have helped get me through some of my darkest moments.
- It's ok to spend 15 minutes crying for myself, as long as I don't dwell on it and let the sadness consume me.
- I can't let myself be completely hopeless, because that is a very ugly place.
- Even if I never have children I am no less of a woman. (I will have children! You just wait and see.)
- I am stronger than I ever thought I was.
- Being a woman means so much more than being a mom.
- I can't be angry at other people because of the blessings they receive. I have my own life, my own struggles and my own blessings.
- Life is a journey, I need to embrace every adventure in this journey and find answers to the questions I didn't even know I had.
- Life isn't fair and it wasn't meant to be easy. Momma Linda always told me this growing up, and now I believe her more than ever.
-I can be and will be a strength to others.
I plan to keep on recording my thoughts and feelings as well as my good and my bad days. There will be to more to come... both in the future and sharing of past experiences. There are so many things I continually learn and recognize about myself as I go through this. The one thing that remains constant is that I have a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me. He knows me way better than I know myself. He knows exactly what I am capable of and what I can handle. He knows that I need this learning experience and He knows exactly why I do. (I'm slowly discovering why for myself.) Even at times when I feel completely alone and utter and complete heartache, I look back and recognize that my Heavenly Father is there cheering my on all along the way. The words of an LDS primary song keep coming to mind:
I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I guess I will begin by saying this: This is a very personal struggle and battle I'm writing about. I have deliberated for quite some time on whether to write what I am feeling in my personal journal and not have anyone read it until the day I die or whether to write about my feelings and emotions here on my blog. I have come to the conclusion, after quite a while of deliberating, that it is here on my blog where I would like to share my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about this. I also have felt that there are other people out there going through the same or similar things as me. I have realized that through sharing my experience I may be able to give someone a smidgen of strength, a glimpse of hope, or a piece of comfort that they are not alone. In no way am I sharing the following in order for everyone to look at me and say poor poor Jenny, or to make others feel awkward or uncomfortable talking to me, for people to judge me or anything like that. BUT, the following is shared with hesitation, but also hope, faith, and anticipation of what lies ahead. So, here goes nothing.
Babies.... Babies, babies, babies. We are at a stage in life when everyone around us has babies, is pregnant with babies, or is busy making babies. It is very very common for Michael and I to be asked "So, when are you guys going to start having kids?" "Are you guys going to get one?""Are you guys thinking of starting a family anytime soon? You guys know that having kids is not something you should put off." Think of any variety of the question "When are you having kids?" and we have probably heard it.
Hello!!! People, not to be rude but let's be honest....we know. As a part of our faith and core value system we know we should have children, and most importantly we want children more than anything. We know that families are forever. We know that our purpose here in this life is to raise a righteous family. We know that part of my role as a woman is to be a mother. We know that part of Michael's role as a man is to be father. We've been taught these things through our entire life by example and through the LDS faith.
Quite frankly, I feel that it really shouldn't be socially acceptable to ask people about when they are going to have children, but the reality is that society tells us it is perfectly acceptable. I realize that babies are an easy topic of conversation. It's a topic that is easy to relate to, and people see it as the next "step" for us in our life. In asking these kinds of questions to a young couple, judgements and opinions are placed on them. Simply it adds unnecessary stress and heartache. Having children is solely a matter between a husband, his wife, and the Lord.
So.... What is family? Do you have to have children to be a family? Heavens no! Together Michael and I are a family. I wish people would recognize that together a husband and wife are a family. They don't necessarily have to have children to be a family. Once two people join in the union of marriage, that is the beginning of a family. Yes, when children are added they become an addition to the family, but husband + wife = a family. So, the Dill family consisting of Michael and I, is a family. When we do have children they will become a part of our eternal family.
Now, on to the more difficult stuff. Above I said that when people decide to have kids is no ones business but the husband and wife, and it is. But, I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings of our own personal situation. This means I am willing to share our story, willing to be open and willing to let others be a part of a very personal part of our life.
Michael and I have been married almost 3 whole years, or specifically 34 months. In the large scheme of things that's barely a pinprick, but in life, time is so very precious. For 32 of the past 34 months we have been trying to "start our family"with zero success. Yup, you read right, that's 94% of our marriage that we've been trying to have kids and haven't. I'll be honest it's hard. Exceptionally hard. It's the hardest thing I have personally struggled with. Everyone seems to have a solution for us. I've heard them all and for now, I'll spare you the details! But we've tried many of the suggestions, and nothing helps us reach our ultimate goal of pregnancy. Before you jump on the band wagon and start giving us your solutions, advice and opinions let me share just a small sliver of our journey.
Growing up I wanted nothing more than to be a mom, the best mom I possibly could be. My sister and I played house all the time. We had our life like baby dolls, baby clothes, a play kitchen and even had a real baby car seat to play with. We spent hours in the basement playing house, taking turns being the mom, pretending we were much older with babies of our own, often making Adam or Heather be our kids. It was so much fun. Even then I could hardly wait to have my own babies, dress them up, give them baths, take them to the store with me, make food for them, raise them in the gospel, and simply love and adore them. I knew that motherhood was exactly what I wanted and I knew I was going to make it happen.
Flash forward several years. I met the most adorable and wonderful boy. He was handsome, funny, loved my cooking, loved me and even had a dimple in his chin. I was in love. I wanted to spend all eternity with him. I wanted to have adorable blonde little babies with him. I was so eager to start our forever together. My dreams were all becoming a reality and I couldn't wait to become a wife and a mother.
A couple of months after we got married we felt like we should start trying to have babies. We had been praying about it and felt like it was what we were supposed to do. We had been hearing from a few different people that getting pregnant is not always as easy as everyone makes it out to be. We figured we would still have 6-9 months before we actually got pregnant. It all seemed perfect to us. If it all worked out we would be able to surprise our families at Christmas with the announcement of a Baby Dill on the way. Time came and went and nothing happened.
At the beginning of the next year I was positive that this was the year. We were going to have a baby this year. I was sure of it. The first couple months of the year were long. I often didn't feel well and sometimes was so achy and hurt-y that I didn't do anything but lie on the couch and watch movies. I repeatedly had the thought "You need to go to the doctor." I repeatedly ignored the thought. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't want that to be confirmed by a doctor. I only wanted to get pregnant, not be told that something was wrong with me that would prevent that. I was scared.
After several months of ignoring my own intuition, I had had enough. My periods were very inconsistent, but when I did have a period it would last for 30+ days. Leaving me very tired, and annoyed. I felt almost disabled. I didn't feel like I could go anywhere or do anything because of the fear that my period would inhibit me. (I tried to put that in the least graphic way I could... Sorry!) I made an appointment to go see the doctor on our college campus. I was very nervous, I knew something wasn't right. I went to the appointment. The doctor came in, asked a bunch of questions, and looked confused. She decided to do a blood test to check my thyroid as well as test for pregnancy. I have no idea why she even thought I may be pregnant based off what I had told her, but whatever, she was the doctor and I was trusting her title. She emailed me with results. Everything came back negative. I wasn't pregnant and my thyroid was normal. She encouraged me to come back and get the yearly woman's check up done, just because I probably should. So, in my head she must think that maybe that would have results that showed what was wrong. I went. She didn't remember me or anything I had told her the week before. I got checked. Everything was normal and fine. She told me to come back and see her if I wanted to get pregnant and she could give me a prescription that would help get me pregnant real fast. None of my questions were answered and what I knew was a problem wasn't even addressed. I didn't feel good about about any of it and I really didn't like her solution. Yes, I wanted to get pregnant. But, I realized then that first and foremost I wanted to figure out why my body was so out of whack. I felt like that needed to be addressed before I could be miraculously and quickly pregnant.
So, I set up an appointment with my OBGYN in Salt Lake. I wanted answers and knew from previous experience with her that she would help me get to the root of it. She is absolutely wonderful. She asked questions, a lot of questions. She wrote down my answers. She did exams, blood work, and even helped me schedule an ultrasound. I left feeling listened to and hopeful. After all sorts of worrying and few doctor appointments later we figured out a portion of what was going on. My doctor diagnosed me with PCOS, or poly-cystic-ovarian-syndrome. She let me know that a large part of what I could do to help the problem was to maintain a healthy diet and exercise regularly. She also let me know that in the long run it is not impossible to get pregnant, but it would be very difficult to get pregnant. Why? Because my body isn't "cycling" as most women's bodies do. She recommended that we visit a fertility specialist to learn more and find ways in which they would be able to help us reach our goal of children.....
.....And, that is essentially where we are, limbo. We are waiting until after graduation in July to take the next steps. We have plans on what we are going to do next, but that's another story for another time.
What this roller coaster of the past three years comes down to is that I have fears. I fear I will never have the blessing of being a mother. I fear that medical miracles won't happen for me. I fear that my faith and hope will not be enough. I fear that it will always be only Michael and I. But, I have learned that I cannot let those fears overcome and make my decisions for me. I must keep moving forward with faith and trust that in the end everything will work out how my Heavenly Father sees fit for Michael and I.
Through all of this I have had many experiences first hand that have strengthened my faith and given me hope. A few of them include:
- Other people can be such a strength. I have had so many tender mercies over the past several years that have helped get me through some of my darkest moments.
- It's ok to spend 15 minutes crying for myself, as long as I don't dwell on it and let the sadness consume me.
- I can't let myself be completely hopeless, because that is a very ugly place.
- Even if I never have children I am no less of a woman. (I will have children! You just wait and see.)
- I am stronger than I ever thought I was.
- Being a woman means so much more than being a mom.
- I can't be angry at other people because of the blessings they receive. I have my own life, my own struggles and my own blessings.
- Life is a journey, I need to embrace every adventure in this journey and find answers to the questions I didn't even know I had.
- Life isn't fair and it wasn't meant to be easy. Momma Linda always told me this growing up, and now I believe her more than ever.
-I can be and will be a strength to others.
I plan to keep on recording my thoughts and feelings as well as my good and my bad days. There will be to more to come... both in the future and sharing of past experiences. There are so many things I continually learn and recognize about myself as I go through this. The one thing that remains constant is that I have a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me. He knows me way better than I know myself. He knows exactly what I am capable of and what I can handle. He knows that I need this learning experience and He knows exactly why I do. (I'm slowly discovering why for myself.) Even at times when I feel completely alone and utter and complete heartache, I look back and recognize that my Heavenly Father is there cheering my on all along the way. The words of an LDS primary song keep coming to mind:
I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I know who I am.
I know God's plan.
I'll follow him in faith.
I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ.
I'll honor his name.
I'll do what is right;
I'll follow his light.
His truth I will proclaim.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Discover...
At the beginning of every year for the past 5 years I have chosen a personal "theme" for the year. It's developed over time on how I choose my theme, but essentially it comes down to a lot of self-assessment and reflection. I try and think of my what I wish to improve on and accomplish for the year and decide from there what word or phrase will help me remember those things in the coming year. In the past I have had the themes of #1- Make IT happen #2 - Be Happy! #3 - Be my best self. #4 -DO. They have all been wonderful themes and helped keep me on track for the year and my goals for the year. BUT I am SO very excited about my theme for this year. Before I tell you what my theme is I want to share a little bit about 2013.
2013 brought so many opportunities and I was so blessed to have so many wonderful experiences throughout the year. Despite the opportunities, 2013 was a very hard year for me. There was a lot of great wonderful things that happened, but along with those great things came a lot of heartache and personal struggle for me. My faith was definitely tried, more so than it has ever been. Partway through the year I realized that I had little hope and little faith. I was really angry with myself and with my Heavenly Father for letting me get to that point. I wanted to have faith, I wanted to have hope, but I hate to admit that somedays I didn't and I didn't know how I could. It was a year of VERY personal struggle and heartache. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about myself, about the strength I have and about what I really want in life. I found that there really is a lot I want to DO in life and a lot I have to learn. So, this years theme really was developed off of my struggles and what I learned over 2013. (There is SO much more to this, but I won't bore you with details.) So onto 2014.
For this year I really stewed about what I wanted my theme to be. In the past my theme has always seemed to come to me. I haven't ever had so much internal turmoil about what my theme should be as I have with deciding for 2014. I really wanted it to be something that meant something to me and would help me in reaching my goals for the year. I came to the conclusion that I wanted my theme for the year to be: DISCOVER.
For weeks I had been thinking about my theme and one day while I was taking a hot-bubbly bath the word "discover" came to my mind. I had been thinking for a couple of weeks about the goals and desires I have for this year and "discover" was the perfect fit for what I was/am searching for. I've decided that I really need to do some re-discovering of myself and discover the roots of who I am, what I am doing, what goals I have for myself, and really take the time to figure out several aspects of life. This year my goals are a combination of goals, bucket-list items, and many are the beginnings of new aspects of life. So here's to a new year and here is to "DISCOVER-ing" everything I hope to uncover. Stay tuned for future posts on goals I have for the year.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Skiing
We spent the past weekend with family. Wayne came all the way from California to visit us in chilly Idaho. We had a lot of fun eating, playing monopoly deal, bowling, and skiing.
I was able to go with the boys, aka Wayne Michael and Kevin, skiing up to Grand Targhee. I was really nervous as I have only been downhill skiing two times previous to this, but they all encouraged me and helped me improve. At the beginning of the day I was feeling butterflies in my stomach, but after spending the first part of the day going down the "kid fun runs" I was ready to head to the top of the mountain for a longer run by the afternoon.
The best parts of the day were:
#1 - Skiing. I LOVE skiing. Every time I go I learn to love it a little more. One day I dream of owning my very own ski's.
#2 - Improving my skiing abilites. I hardly had to pizza and was able to really figure out my S turns. There were only a few times where I panicked because I was picking up speed. I was able to figure out what to do when I feel like I'm going too fast. I feel leagues ahead of where I was level wise.
#3 - Spending time with Michael boy. It was especially fun watching him patiently help, encourage, and be proud of me. Michael would do S turns as we went down the hill and I would follow in his tracks. This helped me SO much. He made it so I was visually able to follow and could get a better understanding of what I was doing. Also, when I would take off Michael would yell to me what to do, i.e. "Turn right!" or "Turn left." He was a great little teacher.
#4 - Hitting a little patch of ice and taking off into the pine trees. This resulted in me practically hugging the tree while I regained my footing. I was laughing, Michael was laughing and I'm sure the people on the ski lift above me were laughing. *Side Note: there was no falling in this occurrence*
#5 - Watching all three of the Dill boys in their element. They each LOVE to ski and it's so fun watching them be able to do it together. I'm glad they invited me to spend the day with them. They each gave me a few pointers, were so patient with me, and were simply delightful to be with.
#6 - The lady at the ski rental place putting my boots on for me. I could definitely get used to that!
#7 - Grande Mas nachos. The man making the nachos most definitely knew how to make nachos.
#8 - Michael stopping to see if I was following him and me running over his pole in the process.
#9 - Watching 3 year olds ski. Yup! They were better at skiing than me. I definitely felt a little silly.
#10 - And finally... getting a hot cocoa at the end of the day. It was a great way to warm up and defrost.
All around it was a wonderful day and there was only one fall for me. I was showing Michael that I could stop using the "french fry" technique versus the "pizza technique" and I simply tipped over when I turned around to make sure he was watching. I was laughing so hard I it took me a while to get up.
For me, it was a perfect ski day. Thanks Wayne for taking us and for being a part of teaching me to ski! I can't wait to keep on improving so together we can do some double black diamonds. ;)
I was able to go with the boys, aka Wayne Michael and Kevin, skiing up to Grand Targhee. I was really nervous as I have only been downhill skiing two times previous to this, but they all encouraged me and helped me improve. At the beginning of the day I was feeling butterflies in my stomach, but after spending the first part of the day going down the "kid fun runs" I was ready to head to the top of the mountain for a longer run by the afternoon.
The best parts of the day were:
#1 - Skiing. I LOVE skiing. Every time I go I learn to love it a little more. One day I dream of owning my very own ski's.
#2 - Improving my skiing abilites. I hardly had to pizza and was able to really figure out my S turns. There were only a few times where I panicked because I was picking up speed. I was able to figure out what to do when I feel like I'm going too fast. I feel leagues ahead of where I was level wise.
#3 - Spending time with Michael boy. It was especially fun watching him patiently help, encourage, and be proud of me. Michael would do S turns as we went down the hill and I would follow in his tracks. This helped me SO much. He made it so I was visually able to follow and could get a better understanding of what I was doing. Also, when I would take off Michael would yell to me what to do, i.e. "Turn right!" or "Turn left." He was a great little teacher.
#4 - Hitting a little patch of ice and taking off into the pine trees. This resulted in me practically hugging the tree while I regained my footing. I was laughing, Michael was laughing and I'm sure the people on the ski lift above me were laughing. *Side Note: there was no falling in this occurrence*
#5 - Watching all three of the Dill boys in their element. They each LOVE to ski and it's so fun watching them be able to do it together. I'm glad they invited me to spend the day with them. They each gave me a few pointers, were so patient with me, and were simply delightful to be with.
#6 - The lady at the ski rental place putting my boots on for me. I could definitely get used to that!
#7 - Grande Mas nachos. The man making the nachos most definitely knew how to make nachos.
#8 - Michael stopping to see if I was following him and me running over his pole in the process.
#9 - Watching 3 year olds ski. Yup! They were better at skiing than me. I definitely felt a little silly.
#10 - And finally... getting a hot cocoa at the end of the day. It was a great way to warm up and defrost.
All around it was a wonderful day and there was only one fall for me. I was showing Michael that I could stop using the "french fry" technique versus the "pizza technique" and I simply tipped over when I turned around to make sure he was watching. I was laughing so hard I it took me a while to get up.
For me, it was a perfect ski day. Thanks Wayne for taking us and for being a part of teaching me to ski! I can't wait to keep on improving so together we can do some double black diamonds. ;)
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
24th Birthday....
Not to long ago I turned 24. The big 24... one year closer to 25, eeeks!
Needless to say it was a great birthday. I got to spend it with my siblings, and parents.
Heather, my little sister, works at the Hogle Zoo as a teen docent. She had a few tickets to get into the zoo and decided she wanted to take Mom, Michael and I to the zoo and give us a grand tour. So the last day to use the tickets she had, aka my birthday, we went to the zoo. I haven't been to the zoo in years and I loved every minute of it. It is so much different than I remember as a kid. There are so many new fancy exhibits and animal enclosures. It was especially fun to watch Heather. She knew all about every inch of the place. She knew every animals name and would talk to them as if they were her closest friends. It was the sweetest thing ever. She insisted that we have lunch at the "Beast"-ro and that it was the most delicious place to get a meal. Heather was 100% in her element, I think that is what made the visit to the zoo so great. That girl is going places and that girl will do BIG great things in world. Here are a few pictures from the zoo trip.
Needless to say it was a great birthday. I got to spend it with my siblings, and parents.
Heather, my little sister, works at the Hogle Zoo as a teen docent. She had a few tickets to get into the zoo and decided she wanted to take Mom, Michael and I to the zoo and give us a grand tour. So the last day to use the tickets she had, aka my birthday, we went to the zoo. I haven't been to the zoo in years and I loved every minute of it. It is so much different than I remember as a kid. There are so many new fancy exhibits and animal enclosures. It was especially fun to watch Heather. She knew all about every inch of the place. She knew every animals name and would talk to them as if they were her closest friends. It was the sweetest thing ever. She insisted that we have lunch at the "Beast"-ro and that it was the most delicious place to get a meal. Heather was 100% in her element, I think that is what made the visit to the zoo so great. That girl is going places and that girl will do BIG great things in world. Here are a few pictures from the zoo trip.
The day just continued to be full of more memorable moments. After we got home from the zoo I decided that I would make my favorite gluten-free cake. Mom and Dad went to the grocery store, Michael was napping, Adam was in Dad's office and Heather was in her room. So, Mickey (the dog) and Albert (the bird), were left alone to bake in the kitchen. (These are important details!) So, things in the kitchen were going well. I had the cake batter all mixed up and the oven was heated ready to bake. I found the only three round cake pans I could find in my mom's cupboard. The recipe says you need to use two 9" cake pans, but I could only find three 8" cake pans. So, I poured the batter into two of the 8" cake pans. This was my thought process. "It says 9" pans but it's a gluten free cake that is pretty dense... so, I should be able to get away using 8" pans. Yeah, I'll just use the 8" pans." So, I put the two pans into the oven to bake and set the timer.
Shortly after, I started to smell something burning. And this when it started getting interesting. I opened the oven door and saw the batter spilling over the edge of the cake pans, all over the bottom of the oven. I hurried to grab a pan and put it on the bottom rack to catch any more batter that might spill over, then shut the door. I thought I was good. The burning smell only got worse. Smoke began coming out of the oven vent. I opened the oven door and... FLAMES! There were flames. After saying "Oh shit!" under my breath, I acted calmly. I got a spoon and began spooning the burnt flaming cake batter out of the oven and into a bowl of water. I opened the back door so the smoke could air out, and I turned on the fan over the oven. Yet again, I thought all was good. A few minutes later more smoke starts coming out of the oven vent. I open the oven door and again... FLAMES! even bigger flames. I yelled for Adam. He came in grabbed the bird cage and ran out. How helpful. I was flustered, but I got all the flaming cake batter out of the oven and things were good. When I checked back on the cake a few minutes later the cake was as black as could be. I was mortified. My expensive gluten free birthday cake was ruined. My mom and dad came home. I was afraid they would be mad I had caught the oven on fire, not once, but twice. Nope, not upset at all. They said "You aren't a Worthington woman until you catch the oven on fire!" Apparently it happens a lot around there. (I only have one memory of my mom catching it on fire, I guess it has happened a lot more since I moved away to college six year ago.) My sweet mom looked at my cake, I was in tears, and said let's start over. Let's make it again. I was insistent that we just not worry about it and not waste the expensive ingredients to make it again. So, my mom got to work to redeem the cake we had. She carefully carved off all the burnt edges she could find. When she was done, it looked lovely. The amazing thing about all of this is the smoke detector never went off. If you know the smoke detector at my parents you know that it is hardly believable that it didn't go off. It usually goes off if you make toast. At least we know that if there is actually ever smoke/flames the smoke detector might not go off. Needless to say, after a struggle with the cake, it all worked out. (just like it always does) Here is a picture of the cake the third time it was a flame that day.
The day was all around pretty great. We had a great dinner complete with honey baked ham, baked potatoes, and salad. We played banana-grams, Just Dance 2014, and simply enjoyed each others company. The day was complete in welcoming in 2014 with fireworks, a dance party in the driveway, a visit from the Dukes, and a toast to the new year with Martinellis. Thanks to everyone for celebrating with me, for the kind birthday wishes, and for thinking of me as I turned 24. Happy New Year!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Alrighty folks...
Alrighty folks... So, here's the deal. I've been blogging about a secret project for a couple of posts now. Well, the good news is I'm ready to reveal a little of what I've been working on.
For a long time I've wanted to do some sort of craft/project/whatever-I'm-working-on, kind of blog. I believe that last year when I was working on a scrapbook for my grandparents I even mentioned that I was going to start doing it. But, I've finally worked up enough courage to go for my dream. I've started my own little hobby business and I've even started a new blog to go with it. The blog I have started to chronicle this is: http://thedandydill.blogspot.com/ I'm full of a wide array of emotions. I'm excited to follow this dream, afraid of failing, giddy to share what I love, hesitant to put myself out there, afriad and excited to learn a lot of new things, BUT I can't ignore myself and I'm taking the risk. I really can't wait to get my toes wet and test out the waters of the craft blogging/selling world.
I have great ambitions and hopes for the coming year and I am really excited to get things rolling. I'm very excited to begin sharing some of my favorite crafts, tricks, DIY projects, decorating ideas and all sorts of other shenanigans. Be excited because this is going to be a lot of fun.
I will still be writing other stuff on this blog, but http://thedandydill.blogspot.com/ is where you can find updates on what I will be doing in the crafting world.
Also in the works, I am opening up an etsy shop where you may purchase some of my handmade items. It is not quite up and running yet, but we are well on our way to opening day.
So, here's to a fun new adventure.... May it be everything I've been dreaming of and more.
Click the image below to be directed to the dandy dill:
For a long time I've wanted to do some sort of craft/project/whatever-I'm-working-on, kind of blog. I believe that last year when I was working on a scrapbook for my grandparents I even mentioned that I was going to start doing it. But, I've finally worked up enough courage to go for my dream. I've started my own little hobby business and I've even started a new blog to go with it. The blog I have started to chronicle this is: http://thedandydill.blogspot.com/ I'm full of a wide array of emotions. I'm excited to follow this dream, afraid of failing, giddy to share what I love, hesitant to put myself out there, afriad and excited to learn a lot of new things, BUT I can't ignore myself and I'm taking the risk. I really can't wait to get my toes wet and test out the waters of the craft blogging/selling world.
I have great ambitions and hopes for the coming year and I am really excited to get things rolling. I'm very excited to begin sharing some of my favorite crafts, tricks, DIY projects, decorating ideas and all sorts of other shenanigans. Be excited because this is going to be a lot of fun.
I will still be writing other stuff on this blog, but http://thedandydill.blogspot.com/ is where you can find updates on what I will be doing in the crafting world.
Also in the works, I am opening up an etsy shop where you may purchase some of my handmade items. It is not quite up and running yet, but we are well on our way to opening day.
So, here's to a fun new adventure.... May it be everything I've been dreaming of and more.
Click the image below to be directed to the dandy dill:
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Mr. Mdill
Meet my hubby.
Mr. Michael Douglas Dill.
This is him.
#21- His natural smile is beautiful. Just telling him to smile usually results in a look of pain. It's a talent to capture his natural smile on camera, but when you do it is priceless.
#22- He is really helpful in the kitchen and always helps anyone who is cooking or baking.
#23- The man loves tacos. He would eat them for lunch and dinner every day if I would let him.
#24- Michael is always ready for an adventure and loves being spontaneous. He always has some surprise up his sleeve and I love it!
#25- And last but not least, Michael Dill loves and cares about me. He puts up with my quirkiness and craft messes. He listens to my goofy ideas and opinions. He is mine forever and me his forever. I can't wait to continue on our journey through eternity together.
I love you Michael and can't imagine life without you! Thanks for being the best husband you can be and always working towards being even better. Keep laughing, smiling, and living life to the fullest. You can do anything you put your mind to and are continually making a difference in the world. You are talented and smart beyond measure. You, my dear, are my favorite and that will never change! I love you to infinity and beyond!
Mr. Michael Douglas Dill.
This is him.
You may have all seen pictures of him or maybe even met him in person, but I have news for you. You don't know him. Not the way I know him. We recently celebrated Mdill's 25th birthday. So, I thought in order to celebrate his birthday just a little more I would write 25 things about him. Some of them may be things you know, some may be things you don't, but I adore all 25 things.
#1- Michael is very kind. Even when he gets all worked and upset about something, he is very very kind and rational when he cools off. He is very nice to people and I love watching him interact with people, especially complete strangers.
#2- Michael can be a very very picky eater, but is usually willing to try things. He is often surprised when he likes something he has told himself he will not like. I love when he agrees to try something new.
#3- Michael is very aware of his self image. He has great hygiene, loves to be dressed nice, and most importantly.... smell good.
#4- Michael is very very handsome. I am in love with his dimple in his chin and love to rub it. Whenever he gets upset that I'm rubbing to hard I tell him it's because I don't want it to disappear.
#5- Michael is very patient. He is married to me, thus he has to be patient. Sometimes I wear him pretty thin, but he usually just shakes his head and says "What am I going to do with you?"
#6- Michael is a great dancer. This boy can dance better than anyone and always adds just the right amount of sass to his dancing.
#7- Michael loves to get all fancied up and go out to a nice dinner or date night.
#8- Michael Dill is a shopper.
#9- This boy loves good smelling things, mostly candles. If you lose him in a store you can most likely find him smelling cologne, candles, and other smelly things.
#10- Michael leaves his socks on the floor next to the bed because he can't sleep with his socks on. This used to drive me bonkers, but now I find it cute.
#11- Mdill likes any reason to celebrate, any.
#12- He LOVES nice things. Nice cars, watches, clothes, shoes, computers, and the list goes on and on and on. He has taught me that it is sometimes ok to indulge a little.
#13- Michael is very caring. He cares about all people and always wants everyone to feel included, loved, and like they belong.
#14- His love for ice cream is on the verge of being an ice cream addict. He asks me every night if we can have ice cream. The funny part is that it usually makes him feel sick, but that doesn't stop him.
#15- If he could he would spend all day snuggled up in blankets.
#16- Michael is someone who is a great road trip travel buddy. Great DJ, snacker, and conversationalist. All around if you are going on a road trip, you want him in your car.
#17- Michael is a little music guru and regularly quizzes others on their own knowledge. This is also something that used to drive me bonkers, but has grown on me. *I'm getting good!*
#18- He is willing to try anything. I have seen this time and time again. One example is last Christmas he wanted to help me with some presents and he tested his hand at sewing. He now loves sewing and is getting pretty good at it.
#19- Michael has an adorable cowlick on the right front side of his head. I love running my fingers through it, twisting it, and I hope our little boys all get their daddy's cowlick.
#20- He is probably the most sassy person you will ever meet. Trying to keep it under wrap is almost a full time job. But, his sass is what makes him him, and I love that about him.#21- His natural smile is beautiful. Just telling him to smile usually results in a look of pain. It's a talent to capture his natural smile on camera, but when you do it is priceless.
#22- He is really helpful in the kitchen and always helps anyone who is cooking or baking.
#23- The man loves tacos. He would eat them for lunch and dinner every day if I would let him.
#24- Michael is always ready for an adventure and loves being spontaneous. He always has some surprise up his sleeve and I love it!
#25- And last but not least, Michael Dill loves and cares about me. He puts up with my quirkiness and craft messes. He listens to my goofy ideas and opinions. He is mine forever and me his forever. I can't wait to continue on our journey through eternity together.
I love you Michael and can't imagine life without you! Thanks for being the best husband you can be and always working towards being even better. Keep laughing, smiling, and living life to the fullest. You can do anything you put your mind to and are continually making a difference in the world. You are talented and smart beyond measure. You, my dear, are my favorite and that will never change! I love you to infinity and beyond!
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